How many articles suggest that moms should take a bubble bath, dress up for a night out, or pamper themselves in some other way in order to manage stress?
Assuming this recommendation applies even to the extreme challenge of parenting a traumatized child, this suggests to me that either your stress isn’t that serious (because it’s easily washed away by simple bubbles in a tub) or that the bath bubbles are really powerful. (In which case, buy me those magical bubbles ASAP!) Man, if word spreads that people’s life stressors can be cured through regular bubbles baths, drug companies and mental health counselors are sure to go out of business!
The truth is that positive activities like bubble baths are not always magic wands which wipe away all stress. Sometimes they do! Yippee! Do it. But sometimes, they fall totally flat, having little to no effect. You step out of the bath just as sad, hurt, angry, or depressed as you felt getting in.
That’s ok. It wasn’t a waste of your time and effort.
You see, Recovery Time – the term I prefer over “self-care”, as mentioned in previous posts – is about more than an instant shift in your feelings. In fact, any shift in your feelings that happens is more of a bonus than the goal.
Recovery Time is about practicing habits that over time
shape your thoughts, attitude, behavior, and feelings
in the direction of the person you want to be
instead of the monster that is easily formed by
the pressures and pain of negative experiences.
Some things in life are REALLY HARD and they HURT. We’re taught to despise the pain, yet how does a loving parent feel when their child is hurt by a sad situation? The loving parent feels compassion! Likewise we must learn to feel compassion (not pity) for our hurt selves and wrap our arms around our own shoulders.
This doesn’t remove the pain, but it does position us to recover from it better.
So remove the image from your mind that bubble baths and other recovery time activities are magic wands.
There are NO MAGIC WANDS in Recovery Time!
Instead, think of Recovery Time activities as putting yourself on a potter’s wheel.
On the potter’s wheel (in Recovery Time) you step away from the situation. You slow down. You give space to your own thoughts, feelings, and choices. You take the control of shaping who you are away from your circumstances and back inside yourself.
To be the sculptor of your life you must start with the question, "Who do I want to be?"
As you develop your answer to that question, start practicing the kinds of things that people with that characteristic practice. And remember, the key word is PRACTICE. It takes trial and error to figure out who it is you really want to be. It takes trial and error to figure out what practices shape you in that direction. And it takes trial and error again to develop the skill of engaging well in those practices!
If you want to be a person who gives compassion to your body after going through another tense day with your child or a person who takes time to relax before bed in hopes of improving your sleep, then a bubble bath might be just the thing for you – not because it’s magic but because it helps shape you in the direction you want to go.
So go ahead and take that bubble bath.
A practice that simple might just start to reshape your life.