Halloween is a fun time for many people.
Children with RAD, on the other hand, tend to go one of three ways when it comes to Halloween:
1. Obsessed & enthralled with dark, gory imagery
2. Terrified & anxious about all the dark, gory imagery
3. Obsessed with the candy and/or themes of power including the upcoming culturally-sanctioned manipulation of adults that is trick-or-treating
As driven toward the darkness as traumatized children can be, Halloween actually often terrifies them. Surprising, huh? You may notice increased irritability, defiance, anxiety, controlling, difficulty sleeping...But then again, it may look like business as usual to you!
Even if your kid does appear to be able to handle Halloween, consider this quick side-by-side comparison as the holiday approaches before you make plans.
So what are RAD families supposed to do with a holiday that is antithetical to everything you’re teaching? Here are a few permissions.
1. You may keep your child home from school on October 31st as well as the day before and after, including class parties and assemblies.
Some kids do better if they are not expected to handle everything involved in the events of Halloween. However, weigh the pro's and con's carefully!! Are you more interested in managing the fall-out of school-induced stuff or the potential bad behavior of being at home all day with you?
Remember, it is not your responsibility to save the world from your child.
As you are weighing the pro's and con's of keeping your child home remember that it's not your job to protect every other child from being robbed or insulted by your child. It's ok to allow the school to have their turn and let you have a break. If your child is very violent, very destructive, or sexually dangerous, that can be a different story, and keeping the child home during peak times of stress might be best, but only if you are equipped to handle the child at home.
Moreover, if you choose to keep the child home, also be thinking about ways you are going to get yourself some moments for recovery time.
2. You may opt out of greeting trick-or-treaters.
Keep your door locked and lights uninviting. Don’t put out a jack-o-lantern.
Even put a sign on your door: “Out of Candy. Sorry.”
Haha. That wording might be received with more success than other messages. Some people will still knock on your door, but just ignore them.
3. You can create a bright, happy atmosphere and do something positive.
You don’t want to just avoid the triggering or antithetical aspects of Halloween, you want to REPLACE them.
Replacement is always much more effective than avoidance.
> Choose some happy music to play more loudly than the outside sounds.
> Keep on lots of lights. Aim for bright cheeriness instead of spooky darkness. Maybe hang some non-Halloween-colored strings of lights for fun?
> Plan to do something the healthy members of the family enjoy and can do even if other members of the family choose to rage: make or enjoy a special food/dessert, decorate for Thanksgiving (the gratitude holiday!), play a family game, make a craft. Activities involving candy can be great since this also replaces the candy aspect of Halloween.
> Have a game plan for handling behavior in a way that doesn’t ruin everyone’s good time, if at all possible.
Good luck. October is nearly over. Hallelujah.